Do I Need Individual Therapy or Couples Therapy — or Both?
Sometimes we know something’s not quite right… you’re stuck in the same arguments, feeling distant, confused, or unhappy in your relationship? But it’s hard to know where to begin?
Do you need to work on yourself?
Is this something we should be doing together?
Would my partner even agree to come?
These are all common thoughts and questions.
What’s the difference?
Individual therapy focuses on you, your history, emotions, thought patterns, and internal conflicts. It can help you understand how you relate to others, including your partner.
Couples therapy, on the other hand, focuses on the relationship itself; how you and your partner communicate, clash, support, withdraw, repair, or avoid. The relationship is the client, not either of you individually.
Sometimes, it’s not either/or… it’s both/and.
When individual therapy might help:
You’re unsure how you really feel about the relationship
You keep repeating the same patterns in different relationships
You’ve experienced trauma, anxiety, or depression that affects how you connect with others
You want to understand your own reactions; why certain things trigger you, why you pull away or panic
Individual work can help you reflect more clearly and bring that clarity into your relationship, whether or not your partner is ready to do joint work.
When couples therapy might help:
You and your partner are stuck in conflict or silence
The same argument keeps playing out, with no resolution
There’s been a rupture like an affair, a betrayal, or a deep misunderstanding
One of you wants more intimacy, and the other withdraws
You’re thinking about separating but want to understand if it’s really the right decision
Couples therapy offers a structured, reflective space to explore what’s happening between you. It is not to assign blame, but to increase understanding.
What if I start in one and need the other?
That’s okay and actually, quite common.
Therapy isn’t rigid. It’s more like a journey: you might begin in individual therapy to work out how you feel, and later invite your partner into joint sessions. Or vice versa; couples therapy may reveal that one or both of you would benefit from individual work alongside.
Sometimes a short consultation can help clarify what kind of support would be most useful right now.
Whether you come alone or together, the most important thing is starting somewhere.
If you're wondering where to begin, I’m happy to talk things through with you, or with you both.
—
Dr Sam Reawood
Reawood Psychotherapy